What Happened to Home Schooling?

Some of you have asked me this and the first thing I'd like to say is: I think homeschooling is amazing. I spent a few years in home school during the travel trailer years, since we moved often and sometimes, mid school year.  Having already gone to first grade, I was a charming student who let my mom know, on a regular basis, how this differed from "real" school. I ended up with some serious study skills even though I was an easily frustrated child and learning didn't come easily. I recently ran across Mom's lesson plans when I went through a box of felts from her. SO impressive. Especially since two subjects was a challenge for me. 

Yes, two. Numbers and letters. Just as important to me were dancing and drawing, ever since I watched this fascinating man talk about education. But there was no workbook or teacher's guide for those. Here's our rough schedule:

Sounds simple, right? We did it three days a week. 

Let me say a few more things that amaze me about home school. It's amazing I can stress out about covering enough material in kindergarten. It's amazing I can feel like a failure when I have to take whole weeks off to regroup. It's amazing that moms want to do it badly enough to power through these difficulties. 

I've concluded that kindergarten is my limit. I was determined not to get stressed about it, but eventually I did. I was plagued by self-doubt and worn down by the lack of measurable, tangible, cumulative goals. I know that stuff's not important, but it reassures me. Not having ever been a teacher, I had first-time anxiety. Am I doing this right? Am I missing something big? I questioned if I was "sweating" the right stuff. Most of the time, I was pretty sure I wasn't, but that didn't make it easy to let go. 

So I'm turning it over. That was always the plan, but admitting I couldn't "chill out" about kindergarten made me mad. I guess it comes down to the cost on overall life. If the kids can flourish under someone else's tutelage, I don't need to kill myself to do it. If school went terribly for them or one of them, I would have new motivation to work through this weakness of mine. 

Instead, I'm working through accepting who I am, limitations and all. When I'm tempted to berate myself, I'll say instead, "I am enough." As are you. To all the people you love, with all your weaknesses and hang-ups, you are enough. Not tomorrow when you improve; right now. Even if that looks like this: A marvelous, not-homeschooling mom. 

P.S.  If you're wondering why it was so hard to let this go if it was so awful, my next post will explain all the things I loved about home school.

P.S.S. If you'd like to hear more about our Disney vaca (you thought we were done with that already, right?) I'm talking about it over at Little Platypus. This lady travels with a little person and shares her wisdom about it on her fabulous blog!